No Fat Tomatillo Salsa

This recipe is from one of my sister's bffs Ashley, who according to her, is a fiery redheaded Southern Belle who's name should be said exactly like Scarlet says it in Gone With The Wind....a total of about 4 syllables (PS - I just had to google syllables, and yes, I had it spelled wrong originally...where is Laura Bush when you need her....). No matter how you say it, this girl can co-oo-oo-oo-k. This recipe is delish, and I'm sure I did several things wrong, but regardless it turned out fantabuloso (that's my way of saying fantabulous in Spanish. I learned it from Captain Wonderful when we were in Playa Del Carmen...you just put an "o" onto the end of whatever English word your saying and say it with a Mexican accent. Oh, and say it louder then normal too, that's key). (PS -I can't wait to try this on grilled chicken or fish, or in enchiladas...or breakfast tacos...and lions and tigers and bears, oh my!)

Here's what you need:
5 tomatillos per 1 yellow onion
2-3 jalapenos
Several Garlic Cloves (suit to how much you like garlic. I heart the stuff so I used a LOT-o)
Juice from 3 limes
2t cumin
1t each: salt, pepper, caynenne pepper, oregano (I happened to have Ground White Pepper on hand and it was delicious-i-o-so instead of black pepper, made it kind of smoky)

Handful of cilantro

(Note to self....quit spending your candle money on wine....)

Peel your onion & tomatillos and rinse them. (PS- I think tomatillos are weird little things) With a small coring knife remove the core. Put in a pot with the onion and cover with water. Bring to a boil and let simmer about 10 minutes or until they are a light green. You don't want them to mushy or they fall apart. Drain, cut both ends of your onion and throw all of it in the blender or food processor, and set it to the side.

 Notice the one on the top that refused to change color with the rest of them....if that tomatillo were a kid it would be a goth kid....just HAVING to be different! Why don't you just go hang out with the jalapenos. Geez...CONFORM damn you.

 Roast your japapenos until they are charred BLACK. Like Goth Black. You can do this in the oven on broil or over a flame on a gas stove. Once they're done, place them in a sealed ziplock bag and let them steam for 10 minutes. Remove them from the bag, chop the top off and peel the black skin off and throw them in the blender with tomatillos and onion. (P.S. -Captain Wonderful opened the oven door a total of 170 times and told me he didn't think I was doing it right.  After the 170th time, I could no longer take it and told him the next time he opened the oven door that I was going to shove his ass in asked him if they taught him how to do it in Culinary School? He left and went outside and quit doing it).

Add the remaining ingredients to the blender and pulse until it's the consistency you like it. I like mine like I like snakes I find in my yard....beaten to death.

Faker Mashed Potatoes

Because potatoes are from the devil, I came up with this recipe so that you FEEL like your getting potatoes but without the evil carbs.

Ingredients:
Chicken Bouillon
Cauliflower
Garlic
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray
Salt and Pepper

Crush the chicken bouillon cubes into pot and add garlic (uncut). Remove the stems from the cauliflower heads and add to the pot.

 Cover with water. Bring to a boil and cook for 10 minutes.

Drain all in strainer and transfer to mixing bowl. Add I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray, Salt and Pepper to taste and beat on high until smooth and creamy.

Chicken Ranch, Sundried Tomato and Spinach Pizza

This was YUMMY. Not exactly low cal but not too terrible for you. Probably even a little better then a traditional pizza.  I made my own pizza crust but a pre-made crust could easily be used instead. And for all you obsessive compulsives that are haters because the crust is not round....stick it. Round Schmound. We don't need no stinking round pizza.

Ingredients:

Low Fat Ranch (was in the bathroom when the picture was taken)

Diced Chicken Breast

Spinach

Sundried Tomatoes

Mozzerella Cheese

Parsley

Layer all in the order they're listed above and bake at 350 for about 8-10 minutes. That's it. Oh - And don't forget to sprinkle corn meal on your pan before you add your crust. It helps it not to stick and adds more yumminess.

Easy Cream Cheese Frosting aka My Husband Needs Glasses

This stuff is Easy Breezy Covergirl frosting. It makes Strawberry Cupcakes from a box taste they took WAYYYY more time and I'm all about the trickery and deceit, just call me Pinocchio honesty, truth and justice for all.

P.S. My husband came in and saw the unfrosted cakes on the counter and wanted to know why we were having salmon for dinner since he doesn't like salmon. Ummm...need glasses much. Dinner (NOT SALMON) will be ready in a few minutes Helen Keller.

P.S.S. : I was madder than a hatter when I figured out I forgot (ie drank more than one glass of wine while cooking) to spray the pan with Pam. Hence the awesome looking salmon cakes.

P.S.S.S.: I had to google Pinocchio to spell it. And deceit. Wth.Yikes.

Easy Cream Cheese Frosting:

16 ounces, weight Cream Cheese
1 cup Powdered Sugar


Soften the cream cheese. Gradually add powdered sugar to the cream cheese in a mixing bowl until sweetened to your taste.

That’s it!

Best Breakfast Sandwich...Ever.

Well, best lowfat breakfast sandwich ever.  200 measley calories of goodness.

3 egg whites
2 slices ham
1/2 wedge Laughing Cow Cheese
Earthgrains 100% NATURAL THIN BUN

Scramble the egg whites, when they're done spray with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and move to side of the pan.
Throw 2 slices of ham in the pan to heat it up.
Toast bun. Spread one side with 1/2 wedge Laughing Cow Cheese.
Add egg whites and ham and your in business!

P.S.  - I'm typing this while eating my 742 piece of Easter candy. Awesome.

Low Fat Chicken Enchiladas

This is another recipe created out of necessity of using what was in the pantry to avoid gas station grocery shopping. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, see this post.

Anyhoo- these are REALLY tasty and easy. Much to my surprise a second set of hands wandered into the kitchen and offered to help me, so after I picked my jaw up off of the floor, I had myself a sous chef! Help in the kitchen….shoot…this must be what those darn Duggars feel like! I’m gonna have to figure out how to make this happen more often.


"Un-Rolled" Chicken Enchiladas

You will also need a package of chicken breasts, can of cream of chicken soup and package of corn tortillas. They were negotiating for world peace at the time the picture was taken so are missing.

 
  

Once your chicken is cooked your ready to rock n roll (or "un-roll" in this case) :)

Next, turn around and yell "SOUS CHEF, THE GREAT OZ COMMANDS YOU TO POUR SOME SAUCE IN THE BOTTOM OF THAT DISH". He/she may or may not look at you blankly at this point & your husband may or may not come into the room and say "Who are you yelling at and why are you calling him Sasquatch?" and then they may or may not look at each other like you're crazy. Hypothetically speaking of course.

And now, the layering process. Layers are cool. They're like Multiples outfits back in Middle School. Like. You Know. Like Totally

Now, I realize that I accidentally skipped Layer 4. But back to that whole not OCD thing. Not a problem for me. Besides, me and layer 4 go back a long way and we got us some bad blood between us, so let me tell you what-"Not on my watch, layer 4, not on my watch.."

 

Next, turn around and yell "SOUS CHEF, I COMMAND YOU TO CHOP THE GREEN ONIONS" and he/she may reply "Mom, please stop calling me Sasquatch". At this point, if you've had a glass (or two) of wine like I may or may not have, it is highly possible you did call him/her Sasquatch. Hypothetically

Once you take these out of the oven, let them cool about 10 minutes (or however long it will take you to finish your hypothetical glass of wine).

Top with sour cream and green onions and voila! Delish!

Things....I am loving right now

Since bathing suit season is around the corner and I have been diligently watching what I eat and exercising I am now back on the "do you think I can lose 700lbs before April?" bandwagon and trying to shed my wintercoat.

These are the things I am loving that are helping to put some flavor back in the not so flavorful world of "I'm so freakin hungry I would eat my own hand if you put salt on it".....

Tony Chachere's Creole Butter Injectable Marinade: this stuff makes grilled chicken taste wonderful and adds next to no calories.  Even if you don't have time to inject it you can just pour it on the top while it cooks and it is oh so good. I use it even when I'm cooking on my Foreman grill.

Garlic Expressions Classic Vinaigrette Salad Dressing & Marinade: Oh "holy moly good gawsh almighty bust into a full blown church choir in purple and yellow robes singing clap off" this stuff is good. My sweet friend sent me home with a bottle of this (she got it at the HEB) and I am in L to the O to the V to the E with this stuff. 
P.S. - add a tbsp it to your green beans & you will be in Bryan Adams heaven with this stuff..."Baby you're all that you need.."

La Tortilla Factory Smart & Delicious Tortillas - Low Carb High Fiber: These are fabulous.  Breakfast wraps, chicken fajitas, casseroles, sandwich roll ups. You name it, they work. And just look at the nutritional data - all that fiber for only 80 calories. Alot of times these taste along the lines of a good piece of cardboard, but not this one. This one makes me wanna hug someone. We are BFFs for ever.

**Disclaimer: Wine snobs stop reading here. All others please continue. Thanks for your cooperation.

Last but no least, I love love love it when I find a good tasty Specs 12 under $12 and this Chateau Julien Pinot Grigio did not disappoint. I realize it is not diet food, but hey, I need my family to not disown me so a bottle glass is ALWAYS in my diet.  If need be, I will just eat lettuce the next day. Lettuce and maybe...cardboard...as you can see by this EMPTY bottle, I had myself a lettuce/carboard buffet the next day.