I can't make this $hit up....

So after the last time my parents watched my nephew and extremely covertly figured out a way to ensure that they won't be asked to babysit anymore....(this is not photoshopped people, nor at a zoo)

I had the privilege of watching him last night. I'm cooking dinner and he's in the back yard with Captain Wonderful and all of a sudden Captain Wonderful brings him to the door (butt naked from the waist down....my nephew, not Captain Wonderful) and tells him:

CW: "You need to tell Aunt Sari what you did...

Nephew: "Uuummm...I crapped on the porch..."

Me: "What"

CW: " You heard him"

Me: "What...?"

Me: "Why??"

Nephew: "Because I didn't wanna sit on the toilet and I didn't wanna go in my pants"

Me: "Wow."

Me: (to Capt Wonderful) "If I have to clean up the dogshit you should have to clean up the kidshit"

I have to yell the last part of that sentence since Captain Wonderful is sprinting down the driveway.....

Has Anyone Seen This Girl?

So on Monday when I turned on my work email after being off for a week I had a few 686 emails in my inbox (Seriously...)....

Also had 1700 hours of Tivo to watch lots and lots of important stuff to do around the house. AND I haven't had a glass of wine ALL week (hello...it's wednesday people...wtf.) And although my kidneys and liver are blissfully peaceful, my nerves have started to hum "Sometimes, you wanna go, where everybody knows your name...and they're always glad you came...so I have decided today shall be Bring On The Wine Wednesday (Captain Wonderful is SUPER excited!).

Sincerely,
I'm not an alcoholic I just like to drink alot and often, Texas

P.S. - Captain Wonderful put a HUGE chink in the Apprentice's social calendar by making him come home and mow this afternoon. I just looked out the window and have now solved the mystery of those weird symbols that appear in fields that people think are from martians. They're not, they're from pissed off teenagers on riding lawnmowers. Should make for a fun evening come 5:30....better get started on that wine asap...if Big Brother wasn't on I'd go hide in the shed with a book and a flashlight..and the bottle.

Intervention anyone?

So I was packing my bag for the car for the 17 hour 5 hour trip to Garner and realized that I have a major freaking somewhat of a problem....

There's no place like........Garner :)

In the meantime, here's a quick and easy recipe for Pico De Gallo that is SOOOO refreshing after a long day on the Frio river (and an empty cooler! :)

-5 On The Vine Tomatoes (you can use Roma Tomatoes instead but will probably need to add more since they are smaller)
-1/4 large white onion - diced
-1/2 entire head of garlic - peeled and diced
-2 large jalapenos or 3 small/medium
-1/2 bunch cilantro (leaves only)
-2 limes
-Salt and pepper

1. Take the guts out of your tomatoes and dice (I put these into a bowl and then strained the juice back into the pico since I like mine "soupier"
2. Remove the seeds and the veins from the jalapenos and dice these
3. Add the remaining ingredients, the juice from the limes and salt and pepper to taste. It's best if you cover and refrigerate. The longer it melds together the better it is. I made mine in the morning and let it sit all day while we were at the river and it was perfect by the time we got back!

Because I crack myself up....

If I worked at Wal-Mart I would move this section over by the swimsuits. HAHAHAHA, damn I'm funny.

Christmas in July

Wooooooooohhhhhhhhhhooooooooooo......guess what tonight is...............Big Brother premier on CBS....this is what summa-time is all about.  Sweet....summatime summatime....

Mexican Rice- Danny Devito Version

So I made this dish a few weeks ago and it turned out deli-c-oso. I defintely took the short cut version on this one and used packaged Spanish rice instead because that's how I roll (i did learn the real way to make the rice last night and it uses a STICK of butter...ummm...yeah.). Especially on a Saturday when I'm trying to get out of la casa and into la piscina (the pool for all you Gringos :)! I was feeding muchas personas and this made a 9x13 pan so scale it back if your not feeding your entire neighborhood.

Here's what ya need:
1 cup each: diced carrot, corn, peas
1/2 cup chopped onion
Handful of cilantro
1 can Rotel tomatoes with green chilis (drained)
Couple cloves of garlic-chopped
2 tbsp olive oil or butter for sauteing your vegetables
3 packages of instant Spanish Rice

Directions:

1. Prepare your rice according to directions. Set aside for later.
2. Add the olive oil to your skillet over med high heat. Once it's heated through add all of your vegtables and the drained can of Rotel tomatoes and saute until vegatables are tender. (I drained the juice from the Rotel into my prepared Spanish Rice that was set aside, just to give it a little extra flavor)
3. Once your vegetables are cooked add them to your Spanish Rice and stir until well mixed.
4. That's it. When you're read to serve them, put the pan in the oven on 350 degrees until heated through and call it a fiesta!

UFC observations

I was lured by the promise of food and alcohol (and the company of my teenager!) into heading over to a friends house where a mob of former middle aged men reverted into their adolescent selves. I retreated to the back porch where there was no sound on the tv so my ya-ya made up for it by yelling "Hit him, hit him, kick him, hit him..." repeatedly and I stared at her and said "Who are you...?". Then I remembered that she is the same one whose motto is "If your not first, your last" and who had to cancel family WII game night at her house because she A.) couldnt stay out of arguments with her 9 and 10 year old (the apple(s) do not fall far from the tree over there) and B) couldnt stop arguing with her husband accused her of "cheating" by practicing all day while he was at work. Good times.

Anywho - these were the observations I walked away with:
A.) If you are going to fight with bright pink hair you should at least dye your roots the day of the fight
B.) I think that Biff from Back to the Future made a pretty smart career choice to leave the BTTF franchise and get into UFC. I mean they all went downhill after the 1st one. I'm just saying....

Stop the press....

Holy $hit....I am at the movies seeing Grown Ups with....(drumroll) ....Captain Wonderful. I think the last movie we saw together was The Waterboy. Yay for hangovers (and Adam Sandler I guess) .

Caution - watch for flying pigs.

P.S. - went to a very fun party in the neighborhood that has drawn me to the conclusion that just like Trix, blow up waterslides, are for kids!