Apr 27, 2010

Attention Peeping Toms: A look inside our bedroom window

Hold onto your hats peeps..:)

So I’ve been doing this organic/vegan/vegetarian thing for a week or so now and Captain Wonderful and his Apprentice are super supportive and loving having as much fun at my expense as humanly (and maybe even super-humanly) possible. (Not unlike those 2 bi-yatches otherwise known as my ya-yas who went into cardiac laughing meltdown when I ordered a Black Bean Burger at Chilis on Friday. A-holes..laugh it up clowns….we’ll see who is laughing herself right into a pair of SKINNY jeans when this is all said and done. Hardee har har)

Captain Wonderful and myself are laying in bed watching tv last night and he is flipping through the channels (like a bat out of hell because he has the worst case of ADHD ever…..EVER) and he happens to stop on a Jethro Tull concert. I am not paying much attention because A.) it’s pointless to try to keep up with his channel nazi-ism and B.) I am online trying to figure out why my FREAKIN Topsy Turvey Tomatoes aren’t growing !%$@%^#$^!

He turns to me and says:

Capt Wonderful (CW): “here ya go honey, this is right up your alley.”

Me: “Huh? Why?”

CW: “That’s Jethro Tull. These are your kinda people.”

Me: “Huh? Who....?Why?”

CW: “He’s probably all organic like you. He probably only eats veggie burritos too. He’s right up there with the Grateful Dead and Widespread Panic. Right up your alley…”

5 minutes of watching (AMAZING, I KNOW, SAME CHANNEL FOR FIVE MINUTES) goes by:

Me: “So let me get this straight, you think I would like them because you “think” they are organic, because they are hippie-ish? Correct?”

CW: “Yep”

Me: “Honey, do you remember when I surprised you with Widespread Panic tickets when I first met you because they were your favorite band in Atlanta, but I didn’t know who they were?”

CW: “Yep”

Me: “And you told me they were hippy, Grateful Dead-ish, so I went out bought a super cute tie-dye tank top from The Limited and that was the extent of my hippie-ism”

CW: “Yep”

Me: “And then we got there and no one had on FREAKIN shoes…even though it was JULY….in TEXAS…on CONCRETE (or in the public bathrooms…barf…HOOKWORM anyone?”….and I kept asking you what that horrible smell was and you finally figured out it was patchouli oil that everyone had on because they don’t wear deodorant….IN JULY…IN TEXAS…”

Me:” And I spent the entire time asking….You like this??? Really??? Even the TRIANGLE….AND the WIND CHIMES…Seriously?”

CW:…silence….(pondering or plotting, not sure which..?)

Me:” Will you flip it to Dancing to the Stars"

CW: In a very distraught state...“Why? Kate got voted off...You said you were done when she left. Remember...I think we even had a deal..?" (fyi- we didn't- he is totally making stuff at this point out of desperation over the thought of losing TV channel dictatorship...)

Me: "I know, but I wanna watch Pamela dance"

CW: "Why?"

Me: “Because she’s a vegetarian, she's my kinda people, she's right up my alley :)"

CW: "Liar...you just wanna watch that damn show"

Life is fun here at the nuthouse :)


Dear Grateful Dead, Widespread Panic and Jethro Tull fans,

 Please don’t hate. I really like Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and Phish Food flavors but I really do not like songs that include the triangle…or the wind chimey thing.

Whirled Peas to All-

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