Goodbye Winter.

Adios. Farewell. C-ya. Hasta La Vista (BA-BEE!). Arrivederci. Beat it. Scram. Don't let the door hit ya. Good Riddance. Peace out.

Helloooooo Spring My Old Friend. So good to see you. Stay as long as you like, but if you could please keep your pollen to yourself that would be greatly appreciated. 

Things have been pretty exciting around here lately. 

In honor of Spring's arrival I decided to get tricky and try out my green thumb. After 1700 trips back and forth through the backyard, I finally got everything planted. It is GAME ON if nothing grows....God help you Topsy Turvy.

Low Fat Chicken Cordon Bleu

This is a great low calorie recipe that really feels like you are eating something decadent and full of calories! The recipe below serves 3 but it can easily be adjusted to serve as many as needed. 

Cast of Characters:
3 chicken breasts - flattened with meat mallet
3 wedges Laughing Cow Cheese
6 pieces thinly sliced ham
1 cup breadcrumbs (I used Shake N Bake because it's what I had on hand)

Pour breadcrumbs into shallow dish

Top each chicken breast with 2 slices of ham and 1 wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese. Spread the cheese out slightly and fold edges of ham inward. Next fold each side of the chicken over the ham in a "burrito" like manner.

 

Set into the pan of breadcrumbs and thoroughly coat while holding chicken sides closed over the ham and cheese.

Once thouroughly coated, secure with a toothpick and place in baking dish. (Or skewer that you have cut down with pliers, whatever works)

Once you get them all coated, cook at 400 degrees for 30 minutes. Yummy, ooey, gooey, goodness.

Wednesday: What I'm reading....

A couple of weeks ago I read my first Jen Lancaster book and it was HIGH-STERICAL! I flew through the 2nd book:

Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?

and started on the 3rd book:

Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer.

Even the titles kill me. High-sterical I tell ya.

Not it!

In the perpetual game of "Not It" that I play with Albert EinsteinZach's friend’s moms….I….(Sigh)....apparently this week….(Sigh).....am it.

This is what he will be watching in his room for the next month. The names have been blocked out to protect the NOT innocent.

This is why some species eat their young and some countries are "pro" caning.

Holy Cow...someone tried to kill me...

So I thought with it being Spring Break and me being such the awesome mom I am that I would take some time off to take the heathen rabid teenagers kids to go do some stuff. I announced to Zach my plan to take Wed, Thursday and Fri off and he got super excited and jumped up and down and hugged me shrugged his shoulders and said "Cool. If thats what you wanna do" the enthusiasm was palpable!

Week commences as such (hang on to your hats!)

 Wednesday:

I am up with the rooster crow (naturally since I'm on vacation) so decide I'll go ahead and knock the cleaning and the laundry out so I'll have an empty rest of the week to fill with fun activities.

11 am: No movement from back of house still even after vacuuming.....THOROUGHLY....the hallway and bedroom adjacent to his room

11:15 am: Decide I will smoke crack read the newest book in my bubblegum teeny bopper series, Killer: A Pretty Little Liars Novel. It is Spring Break after all!

















1:00 PM: My ears prick....is that movement from the back of the house...gasp..ok..here he comes...look natural..he emerges in full basketball regalia..uh oh

1:05 PM: Horn honks in driveway and he's out the door. Oh well, guess I'll go back to my crack book.

4:00 PM: Shaq teenager returns, smells like roses

4:30 PM: Have following inspiring conversation with teenager:

Teenager: "Hey Mom, we're going to the rodeo tonight"

Me: "We who?"

Teenager: "Me, Teenager 2, Teenager 3, Teenager 4"

Me: "Parents?"

Teenager: "Huh? Ummmm....Huh?"

Me: "P..A...R...E...N...T....S..?"

Teenager: "Ohhh....No, just us, it's cool though, Teenager 2 is a really good driver so we're good right?"

Me: "No way Jose"

Teenager:"Huh?"

Me: "Let me break it down. No. Nooo. N to the O...Hey..Ho...N to the O.... No. Nopey, nope nope. No today. No tomorrow. Noo....oooo..ooo. Clearer?"

Teenager: "Why?"

Me: "Really? You want reasons. Sure thing. Have a seat. It's downtown. It's St Patricks Day. You're 16. You're 16. You're 16. Because I said so. Clearer?"

Teenager: "Wow, that's really mean Mom."

Me: "Oh well. Not running for President or Prom Queen here so popularity with the masses not so much a big deal to me"

Teenager: "Wow. that's really mean Mom. (Lengthy thinking pause) I can't wait until I'm in college. I'm gonna do whatever I want and you're not gonna be able to control it and I'm gonna hang out and go where I want and party, party, PARTY"

Me: "Well alrighty then. But you SURE better enjoy that ONE semester cause that's ALL YOU'RE GONNA GET"

Score:
Teenager: 0
Me: 1


Thursday: (the excitement continues)


AM: Run Errands

1:00 Eat Vietnamese at restaurant have never tried before that just opened….only person in the place…Hmmm…

PM: Run Errands. Back to crack book number 7:, Heartless: A Pretty Little Liars Novel

1:00 AM – Wake up out of a dead sleep and commence to puke and want to die for the next 16 straight hours. Huge mistake of lunch venue becomes apparent and at one point I think I even see Jesus…


Score:

Universe: 7,235,896
Me: -50

Friday:
-Want to die

-Called my hubby at work after every single time I puke to ask if he feels sorry for me

-Call my hubby 30 min after each of those phone calls to cry because I don’t think he feels sorry for me and I feel enormously sorry for me

-Want to die

-Call my hubby to ask who he thinks would want to kill me because SOMEONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BY GOD! Hubby reminds me that he is at work and I am being a bit dramatic.

-Wonder to self if information would have a listing under “Divorce Lawyer” or if you would need a specific name…

-Friends call and ask if they can bring me anything…I reply “A gun please”. They refuse but do offer soup and sprite. Jerks.

-Watch every movie on pay per view since I can’t get out of bed to load the dvd into a player

2012: Is this supposed to be a comedy? No? Whoops.

Pirate Radio: This movie would have been better if it had been a soundtrack only.

Did You Hear About the Morgans?: Funny. Worth the $4.95. *Sidenote: My #1 fan/BFF Wendie and I had an elaborate discussion over the romantic factor of Hugh Grant while we were on the way to Brunch on Sunday (with our husbands in the car). While we think he is super cute, the polite stuff might get in the way in the boudoir. We started in with our best British accents and scenarios of "Might I .....?" or "May I....?" It started getting pretty raunchy until the guys told us to cool it....Hmmm..guess they didn't like the British accents??

Bandslam: I was out of options at this point...words cannot even describe the pain of this movie...I'm embarrased for Lisa Kudrow

Saturday:

Open eyes...do not feel like I want to die....immediately get on scale to see if I lost some weight with all of that puking.....spend the day being mad that I wasted the last day of my vacation yesterday. Vow to seek revenge on Vietnamese restaurant. Run different scenarios by hubby.  He thinks I might still be sick.

Sunday:

Hallelujar! Wake up for Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues.  Quite the experience people. Quite the experience. I think this little diddy may be worthy of it's own post, so more to come on it later.

Have a great week blogland!

Low Fat Chicken Enchiladas

This is another recipe created out of necessity of using what was in the pantry to avoid gas station grocery shopping. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, see this post.

Anyhoo- these are REALLY tasty and easy. Much to my surprise a second set of hands wandered into the kitchen and offered to help me, so after I picked my jaw up off of the floor, I had myself a sous chef! Help in the kitchen….shoot…this must be what those darn Duggars feel like! I’m gonna have to figure out how to make this happen more often.


"Un-Rolled" Chicken Enchiladas

You will also need a package of chicken breasts, can of cream of chicken soup and package of corn tortillas. They were negotiating for world peace at the time the picture was taken so are missing.

 
  

Once your chicken is cooked your ready to rock n roll (or "un-roll" in this case) :)

Next, turn around and yell "SOUS CHEF, THE GREAT OZ COMMANDS YOU TO POUR SOME SAUCE IN THE BOTTOM OF THAT DISH". He/she may or may not look at you blankly at this point & your husband may or may not come into the room and say "Who are you yelling at and why are you calling him Sasquatch?" and then they may or may not look at each other like you're crazy. Hypothetically speaking of course.

And now, the layering process. Layers are cool. They're like Multiples outfits back in Middle School. Like. You Know. Like Totally

Now, I realize that I accidentally skipped Layer 4. But back to that whole not OCD thing. Not a problem for me. Besides, me and layer 4 go back a long way and we got us some bad blood between us, so let me tell you what-"Not on my watch, layer 4, not on my watch.."

 

Next, turn around and yell "SOUS CHEF, I COMMAND YOU TO CHOP THE GREEN ONIONS" and he/she may reply "Mom, please stop calling me Sasquatch". At this point, if you've had a glass (or two) of wine like I may or may not have, it is highly possible you did call him/her Sasquatch. Hypothetically

Once you take these out of the oven, let them cool about 10 minutes (or however long it will take you to finish your hypothetical glass of wine).

Top with sour cream and green onions and voila! Delish!

Happy St Patricks Day!

Observations for St Patricks Day:

1. Patron shots are NEVER a good idea. No matter how much green you’re wearing. NEVER. NEVER. I Some people will never learn.

2. You will not think your husband’s humor is funny after he has consumed 17,000 beers. Even if they’re green. Even if everyone else does. You still won’t. Promise

3. You will not think your husband’s dancing is funny after he has consumed 17,000 beers. Even if he is wearing a beer mug hat. And beer mug glasses. Even if everyone else does. You still won’t. Promise. You also still not understand why he has to take his shoes off to do this dancing. I mean he’s not Lord of the Dance….are these moves so tricky they must be done BAREFOOT..?

Sidenote: **I am also always flabbergasted at the girls that FLOCK to the dance floor to attempt to dance with him during these…..spasmodic seizures dances?? I mean, what part of his barefooted, wing flapping, semi-squat chicken walking/pecking display makes girls think A.) This guy is hot I think I should go grind on him or B.) This should TOTALLY be a partner dance – I’m on it!

4. You probably won’t think it’s charming if once you get home, you return to the kitchen from changing into your pajamas and he is in the kitchen making you a BARSHMABEQUEEE SHAMISH (BECAUSE HEESH LOOVEESSH YOOOUUSS) that includes EVERY SINGLE type of bbq sauce from the refrigerator being poured onto the SINGLE sandwich you brought home from the party since you did not have time to eat as it was time to go when he fell off his barstool. Twice.


But hey, at least he wasn’t on top of the building this time. That’s progress :)
And at least the St Patricks Day party only comes once a year.

And Yes, that is me trying to subtly sneak his beer away from him while he's distracted by the camera :)

 
Click here if you wanna check out all the pictures from the day. Happy St Paddy's Everyone!

March 16, 2010

So it is 3:20 AM and I am friggin flipping around in the bed and my husband says beside me:



He:”Don’t you hate it when you can’t sleep?”


Me: “YES! It makes me wanna friggin punch someone…in the throat or windpipe or whatever!”


Me: “Why are you awake?”


He: “Because you’re snoring. Don’t you remember our conversations? I’ve already woken you up three times to tell you you’re snoring”


Me: “REALLY. REALLY. THREEEEEE! Wow, and I managed to stay asleep through those. Wow, Guess the FOURTH time is a CHARM because I’M UP NOW!”


Me: “Just wondering, is snoring something you think can be controlled? I mean the pollen count is 700 bazillion out there, so my allergies are out of control….I mean, I’m no doctor or anything and I mean, YOU SNORE EVERY NIGHT and I manage to not wake you up to DISCUSS IT…just wondering”


He: Silence


Me: “Game on sweetie. GAME ON”


P.S. Since I’m friggin starving eating healthy, my stomach has also decided to now growl Beethoven’s 3rd Symphony. And since it’s oh…somewhere in the ballpark of 4 hours before breakfast…just @#$%^ dandy.


Game on indeed.

I spent the afternoon laying on the backporch reading my new book, Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Self-Centered, Smart Ass or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office (by Jen Lancaster). This is one of the FUNNIEST books I have ever read. I have laughed my butt off (wish that were literal, sigh..would be so much better than the gym and grilled chicken….sigh). I have torn through it and can’t wait to start the next one - Bright Lights, Big Ass:A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl’s Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door To Me? These are pee-in-your-pants, people will look at you when you laugh because you’re by yourself, funny. F-U-N-N-Y.

I seriously think it’s possible that Jen Lancaster and I might have been separated at birth. I can't wait for my mom and sisters to read this book and see how many times they say "Omg - that is SO Sarah!".

Except I’m prettier. And smarter. Kidding. But you will get the joke if/when you read the book :)

And while I was busy upping my literary ante (I'm pretty sure these books are on all of the top intellectual book lists, like, the President and like Oprah probably read these)...Mattie May spent the day doing this. Geez, she is like so 3rd grade or something, like you know? I am going to be, like, SOOOO much smarter then her!

Flashback Friday

Good grief this man can maka-me-ca-razy but I sure do love him.....though I often wonder if perhaps I was a serial killer in a previous life and this is my payback :) Kidding, kidding.

Things....I am loving right now

Since bathing suit season is around the corner and I have been diligently watching what I eat and exercising I am now back on the "do you think I can lose 700lbs before April?" bandwagon and trying to shed my wintercoat.

These are the things I am loving that are helping to put some flavor back in the not so flavorful world of "I'm so freakin hungry I would eat my own hand if you put salt on it".....

Tony Chachere's Creole Butter Injectable Marinade: this stuff makes grilled chicken taste wonderful and adds next to no calories.  Even if you don't have time to inject it you can just pour it on the top while it cooks and it is oh so good. I use it even when I'm cooking on my Foreman grill.

Garlic Expressions Classic Vinaigrette Salad Dressing & Marinade: Oh "holy moly good gawsh almighty bust into a full blown church choir in purple and yellow robes singing clap off" this stuff is good. My sweet friend sent me home with a bottle of this (she got it at the HEB) and I am in L to the O to the V to the E with this stuff. 
P.S. - add a tbsp it to your green beans & you will be in Bryan Adams heaven with this stuff..."Baby you're all that you need.."

La Tortilla Factory Smart & Delicious Tortillas - Low Carb High Fiber: These are fabulous.  Breakfast wraps, chicken fajitas, casseroles, sandwich roll ups. You name it, they work. And just look at the nutritional data - all that fiber for only 80 calories. Alot of times these taste along the lines of a good piece of cardboard, but not this one. This one makes me wanna hug someone. We are BFFs for ever.

**Disclaimer: Wine snobs stop reading here. All others please continue. Thanks for your cooperation.

Last but no least, I love love love it when I find a good tasty Specs 12 under $12 and this Chateau Julien Pinot Grigio did not disappoint. I realize it is not diet food, but hey, I need my family to not disown me so a bottle glass is ALWAYS in my diet.  If need be, I will just eat lettuce the next day. Lettuce and maybe...cardboard...as you can see by this EMPTY bottle, I had myself a lettuce/carboard buffet the next day.